Someone should make a game about: avoiding quests

April 1, 2020
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He’s on me before I realise I’ve been spotted. I curse myself for venturing this close to town but, with supplies running low, what other option was there? Not that keeping to the wilds was any safer – only two days ago I turned around to see three of them barrelling towards me. My pursuer’s face filling my field of vision, I brace myself for the inevitable.

“Greetings, stranger,” he says. “Can I interest you in an adventure?”

Being asked to rescue someone’s grandmother from a bandit cave might not sound like nightmare fuel but I’ve long been fascinated with the idea of dodging quests – ever since The Man With The Long Chin, a character from Teletext gaming mag Digitiser, punched someone for offering him a quest. This comedic revelation opened my mind to a world of possibilities. What if, instead of ending up with a laundry list of unfinished business, you could tell someone to shove their demands right up their Deepwater Hollow? Or, better yet, if you ran a mile whenever anyone looked like they were going to drag you into their affairs?

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